Sexy Back
Thursday, December 16, 2010
「 dancing away 1:42 AM 」

Have you ever have the feeling that you are going into a relationship and it will stay like this till the day you breath your last?

I do.

Have you ever felt that you can't see anything else after a break up with your love one, that you will just cease to exist and cease to feel anymore?

I do.

Most of the time, you do not know where life takes you. For me, i found my first true love in you. The first time in my 23 years that i ever felt this way for another person. My heart flutters when you are in the room. My eyes always rest on you when you are beside me. My ears long to hear your voice. My hands seeks to hold yours. My nose takes in your unique scent. My 5 senses are filled with your being. I know that first love are always the most memorable. Indeed, you are my first true love. I know i don't need a second or a third, cause it belongs to you, no matter what happens.

I know i am not your first. I know i may still not be your love. But i want you to know, the feelings you gave me are more than i can ever ask for. I gave you and surrendered my heart to you. You can treasure it, keep it, toy with it or just toss it out with the trash. But at least, i want you to know i love you with every thing i've got and everything i had. It might not be enough for you, but i am doing my best and will never stop doing my best..

For now,

My First Step is to Hope: Hope that as time passes, you will see how much i love you, how i gave my everything to just hope you can turn around and smile at me.

I am sleeping tonight with the image of your smiling face as i hug you to sleep.

Thursday, December 02, 2010
「 dancing away 1:44 AM 」

I guess i have a confession to make. I really didn't thought i would ever go down this road with you. I had my stable internship, my perfect education, an upcoming exchange to the place of my dreams, my loving date and a bunch of new friends that easily accepted me into their midst. You were just a good distraction, someone new to talk to, someone who shares similar interest in me. You were not even someone i would consider dating, which would usually be a mature adult who can carry out conversations about politics, economics and philosophy rather than movies, pop music and fashion trends.

But it all changed, one facebook message and one dinner later, i was a completely different person. It wasn't the looks, it wasn't the exciting new things you introduced me, it wasn't an impulsive nature on my part, it was love. Simply put, you unlocked the part of me that i thought was never there - The ability to LOVE.

I was so skeptical about loving someone, how could 2 person possibly want to spend all their waking time together, do things together, make commitment such as "death till us part", stupid promises that will never happen, that will never be realized.

But i was the stupid one, i didn't know love can do all this. From the day we met and talked in your school, i was drawn to you like a moth to a flame. You pulled me in, you changed me. You didn't slowly nudge me and push me in your way, you exploded into my world and took over everything. My life, my time, my feelings, my importantly my principles.

I never ever ever queued up for anyone for more than half hour if there was nothing in it for me, but one word from you, i stood 2 hours infront of the shop, just hoping i can get it to you in time.

I never ever spend lavishly on food, but for you, only the best spaghetti and best cut of beef could ever fill your mouth.

I never bought anyone presents out of impulse, but for you every single day is an occassion for me to gift you whatever you want.

I never had a proper adult conversation with you, i never had a good chat over coffee about the latest news on the Financial Times. With you, im always listening, always obeying, always loving.


When people ask me why i love you, i was speechless. I didn't know what to say. Then they start filling me with answers? Is it the sex? No, i can easily get the sex elsewhere. Is it the company? No, i have better company that would actually listen to what i say. Is it an ego trip? No, cause if it is there are other higher mountains i can try to conquer.

So what is it? They start asking me the questions. Why are you so stupid to fall in love with someone so egoistics, insensitive, opportunistic, bigheaded, non committal? Why go back when time and time again, you are getting hurt, getting used, getting degraded?

I question myself too many times. Why do i always go back. But it was so simple to me now

I always thought movie lines were cheesy. "I will never let go" "You are everything to me"
But the reason why i love you is so simple "Cause There is no reason"

Stupid, ya i know. The Me from 4 months ago would never say such stuff. Loving without a reason. But have you ever love someone that much that any flaws can be overlooked, can be negated. Cause that is what is happening to me. I do not care what the world says, i just so simple.

So here is something you might hear in a movie, but these are words that meant the world to me:

"There is no reason to love. When you love someone, you love. It is a simple rule of the universe. It is like how the sun rises in east and sets in the west. It is like when the apples goes up, it must fall back down.

I love you, Dear. There is no reason why i do, it just is.

I want to spend the rest of my life with you, together and forever... till death do us part."


Monday, November 15, 2010
「 dancing away 4:18 PM 」

"Distance makes the heart grow fonder."

Some great guy said this. Or is it some lovesick guy that is trying to convince himself being away from his lover is actually advantageous? Just a form of consolation and a little self deceiving to make himself feel better about the whole situation.

Distance between 2 person can be defined in 2 ways. The physical distance between the 2 bodies, or it could also mean the distance between the 2 hearts. The former is easier to reconcile with. Electronic means such as an email, a phone call, Skype, MSN: so many forms of communication to link 2 physical bodies apart. Although some say that such electronic means as so impersonal, so cold and devoid of feelings, but to be able to just hear the warmth in the other voice, i think that is enough to satisfy each other need to connect and maintain what they had. I mean, come on, look at the movie "You've Got Mail!" Enemies in real life can even become lovers electronically.

However, distance between 2 hearts is something that is painful. Even if you are hugging each other to sleep every night, a morning kiss, holding hands in the cinema, but if your hearts are not in it together, then you are just following through the motions. Even more so than coldness of electronic communication, is the lack of the connection between the hearts.


This is the 6th day. One more night and one more day before i can see you again. Just 6 days and i feel like experiencing the worst nightmare in the world. Calling each other daily, smsing each other is really just not enough for me. I need to hold you in my arms and tell you its okay. Its okay if the world treats you like shit, its okay if you are going through the hardest times of your life, its okay... as long as i am here. I have this impulse, an impulse to just take the next transport over to that dastardly place, pull you out of there and just run away together. Granted, it is just a imagination cause it will never work like that, but thats how much i want to protect you and just let you live your life in the best possible way, with the best possible companion.

Im suffering because you are suffering. Distance between our hearts have never been closer, and i am glad that you took me as your pillar of support. Im strong because you need me to be strong. Im happy because you need me; needing my willpower, my advice; needing the memories of us together to pull through this period.

Distance does indeed make the hearts grow fonder. Im missing you more and more. But i keep telling myself, that everytime i leave you, it is one day closer to the day i meet you again =)

I love you. Let DNA be the building blocks of life again.


Friday, October 29, 2010
「 dancing away 3:52 AM 」

I shall start penning down my thoughts on this blog again. Hopefully this time round, i am sure of what i am typing.
Objectivity versus Love: Are these 2 mutually exclusive?
Having Objectivity as a principle is essential and useful. Understand the needs and wants, a clear goal in mind, and the guidepost along the ways, would lead one to success in every endeavour. Without objectivity, we would just lose our way and end up doing stuff that we would not have done otherwise.
Love is blind. Whatever actions you do out of love, is out of pure faith. Love is not need, not a want, but more so having an inexplicable feeling to just lay your cards on the table and show it to the other person.
With such a stark difference in mindset, actions and behavior, can we still have these 2 at the same time? Can we be objective in love and can love make us more objective?
Myself: I think for me, love supersedes all objectivity. To the extent, love conditioned my objectivity. It is not a bad thing per se, in fact, it might be considered a good thing, for now i believe what i am doing is right and it is out of love. Call it mushy or stupid or being too caught up If i believe what i am doing is in my best benefit, and i willing accept all consequences, who are you to say i am not objective?
Tonight, i finally found myself again.
It might not have been significantly different for you because it looks like it has been the same routine the whole week.
Me bringing you Koi, resting on your bed while you are watching an anime on the computer, and you sending me back home after.
But, i realize i am actually finding myself back the whole night.
The small talk at the start of the evening, the comfortable comaraderie, the easy relaxation and quiet bantering of words.
I lost all these feeling of comfort so many months ago. Finally, i find myself getting used to the fact i am loving you. It might have been a one-sided kind of comfortableness, but this routine has made me realize why i fell in love in the first place. The feeling of settling down into a routine, the feeling of having you there while i work, and the feeling that i when i turn my head around and look at you, you will always have that cheeky smile on your face, satisfied and feeling comfortable too.
I do not need or want much, but just to let you know that it is enough. Enough that you are giving me this routine to remember why i love someone in the first place.
And right now, i love you.
Love > Objectivity.

Sunday, September 30, 2007
「 dancing away 10:37 AM 」

Wow! Damn happy to be able to be part of this event. my virgin performance. *wink* haha well music died on us the first round. hehe but this doesn't stop the sad people from epressing themself! Given a second chance and i performed my heart out! Always kept the feet pointed i hope! lol well hoped i didn't performed too badly, loved every moment of it from the rehersals to the make up and to the final show! Let's hope i will be called again to perform but fingers crossed!

Monday, June 25, 2007
「 dancing away 11:11 PM 」

Today went to Keck Seng Again... Lol so few people in Bryan and Taki classes. Dunno why today so so tired... after Bryan's class (which was damn cool btw) i was seriopsuly shagged out and out of breath. Cannot even do Taki's warm up properly. Haha, and as usual, i catch no balls in his class. I think next time i just admire him from outside, his steps are outrageously difficult, but damn damn nice when u see HIM do. That's about it.

But hey! When i went for Sheila's class, i was suddenly revitalised or something. I had so so much energy going on. it was "Like A Boy" by Ciara. When she said 4 counts of 8 today, i was like alright man! But den BOOM BOOM BOOM! damn the first count was like a killer already. In the end we ended up with like 2 counts of 8 and 2 counts+ lol! But i think i did damn well today(By My Standards) lol. Still far frm elites standard, but i can see myself today lol! SO SO happy.... Well guess i shan't type any longer... too shagged out to do that....

dAniel-Wish we could switch up the role...

Sunday, June 24, 2007
「 dancing away 12:14 AM 」

Well been a long time since i blogged. Feeling kind of ambivalent now. Haha, big word but nah.... it means paradoxical, eh means conflict.... ok i havinh mixed feelings now. well my life is all about dance now, now i live for it. But seems like so complicated now....

Been going to Keck Seng too much. till i feel a little dis-confident, ok unconfident. Is there such a word? All of it is Shelia's class, with all the elites in the class, i feel a little stuck below them, that there is not really much hope of catching up with them. Yep, i do feel myself improving, esp in Jazz but.... erm just really weird...

I started out at Simei, with no friends, den had lots of friends, Joey, Limin, Michelle, Chui Ying, and lots more, but now move to Keck Seng, i have little friends i guess, Karen, Alison.... hmm the price to pay for improving...??

dAniel - in a Ambivalent, Paradoxical, Conflicting Mood....